Kiviuq and the Spider Woman
Once upon a time Kiviuq discovered a spider woman cleaning a human skin inside her house. Dead people were suspended from the walls, and she was eating them. She had a big cooking pot with human flesh inside.
Maybe it was a mistake, but Kiviuq spat at her to catch her attention. At first she thought it was raining and didn’t look, but he spat at her again and she tried to look up. She couldn’t see him because her eyelids were too big. So she took out her ulu and sliced off her eyelids so she could see who was spitting at her. She ate her eyelids as she gazed at him.
Kiviuq died of fright at the sight of the cannibal spider woman eating her own eyelids. But when the spring came, she spoke magic words to bring him back to life.
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Tuglik and Qujapik
Once upon a time, everyone but Tuglik and her granddaughter Qujapik went hunting narwhal. Left all alone, they soon became hungry, but they didn’t know how to hunt. But Tuglik used magic to turn a piece of seal bone into a penis, a hunk of muktuk into testicles, and her vagina into a dog sled. She had become a man.
Pleased with herself, Tuglik said, “Now I can travel and get us some food!”
“But you don’t have dogs,” said Qujapik.
Tuglik’s magic was so strong she turned her lice into a team of dogs and every day she went hunting, always bringing home something to eat.
One day, while Tuglik was away on a hunt, a man came by to visit Qujapik.
“Whose harpoon is that?” he asked.
“My grandmother’s,” said Qujapik.
“Whose kayak is that?”
“My grandmother’s.”
“You seem to be pregnant,” said the man. “Who is your husband?”
“My grandmother,” said Qujapik.
“I will be a better husband,” he said.
And so she packed up her things and moved to a new village with her new husband.
When Tuglik came home and found she was alone, she saw no point in being a man anymore. So she used her magic to become an old lady with a vagina instead of a dogsled.
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Blubber Boy
Once upon a time there lived a girl whose lover drowned at sea. No one could make her happy. She cried and cried. Finally, she took a chunk of muktuk and carved it into the shape of her lost love. She did a fine job, and it looked just like him.
She wished with all her might that the blubber were her lover, and she rubbed it round and round on her genitals until it suddenly became alive. There he stood in front of her, as handsome as ever.
She took him to her parents and said, “See? He isn’t dead!”
She was given permission to marry and they moved to a small house. When it got too warm, Blubber Boy became weary and he’d say, “Rub me.” And so she would rub him on her genitals and revive him.
One day, he went hunting seals. When he was paddling back in his kayak, the sun made him sweat and he melted smaller and smaller. When he stepped out of his kayak, he collapsed into a little pile of melted blubber.
The girl mourned her lover again. And once the period of mourning was over, she carved another piece of blubber into his shape again and rubbed it against her genitals.
All of a sudden he stood before her saying, “Rub me again…”
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Sun Woman and Moon Man
Once upon a time, there lived a sister and brother named Sun Woman and Moon Man. They were the only people in the world with anuses, and Sun Woman was the only one with a vagina, too. They didn’t know they were the only ones with these parts until they went to a village. That’s where they learned no one else had vaginas or anuses.
Outside every house was a pile of chewed up meat and fat. Back then, they had to chew it up and spit it out, because there was no way to poop. And when women got pregnant, the babies had to be cut out and the mothers stitched back up again with sinew.
Sun Woman and Moon Man wanted to love someone in a way not right for a brother and sister to love, so they soon found mates. Moon Man gently used a knife to cut open the crotch of his wife, and created a vulva and vagina. When she got pregnant, she was the first woman to give birth. And the baby was the first to be born with a vagina and an anus.
Well, everyone was so excited by this that all the women grabbed their ulus and slit open their crotches to get vaginas. And then everyone grabbed meat forks and stabbed themselves in the butt and got anuses.
That’s when the party really got started, and people gobbled up food and love like never before.
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